sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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