you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
