i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
