I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
