it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
