Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
