he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
