We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
