i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
