Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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