I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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