i barfeds in our rink
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
