i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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