what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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