Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
