I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
