2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
