My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
