i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
