OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
