you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
