in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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