there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Enjoy the penises
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
