i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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