And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
