the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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