i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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