took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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