just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
