Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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