i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
