Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
