Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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