I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
