his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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