I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
