Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
