Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
