mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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