Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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