Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
