If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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