babies were throwing up all over the place
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
