It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
