I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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