Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
