youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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