I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im holly from the hills drunk
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
