cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
