why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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