I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
