don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
