3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
