PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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