I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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