Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
