I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
