It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
