You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
