i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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