He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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